At the age of 3 months old I was helpless, innocent and wanted the love of a mom, but instead I got the love of my grandparents, aunt and dad which was the best thing a little baby girl could asked for. They nurtured and cared for me, scold me into a independent and humble young woman. At the age of 6 , I remembered my grandfather takes me to the bus stop to catch the bus for school. Sometimes he carries me on his back when my feet were tired, when I reached home, I would get my homemade meal from my grandma. My Dad was barely around because he worked on the cruise ship , trying to make a living to support me. But my grandparents and aunt gave him reasons not to worry too much. I felt safe and loved!!
At the age of 13, the house phone rang. My Aunt picked the phone up and it was a woman voice claiming to be my mom. She was crying, but I couldn’t feel any pain. I never knew how to love this stranger, but I knew I missed the love of a mom. That feeling bothers me for all my toddler and teen years, just wanting to have a mother’s love. My grandparents, aunt and dad made that gap filled with love and compassion, that I was able to love people who love me in return. Their love made me overcome my sadness and fear.
At the age of 14, my mom came to visit, for the first time in my Life, I have seen the woman who carry me for 9months, but left me at the age of 3 months. But being a teenage, I was excited only because, I wanted for my friends to see that I had a mom. The feeling of abandoned still existed. After all the excitement of her presence, she sat me down and explained the reason why she left but that wasn’t enough,but I took it just like she said and enjoyed the moment. After she depart, we communicate for a few months , then we stopped.
At the age of 18, here goes this person pops up in my life, trying to explain what cause her disappearance, I listened and accept the apology ,because I felt it was an event that happened before, so it didn’t matter at this point. We started to communicate again, this time it was constant but awkward….
At the age of 28, I had a lot of anger in me towards this situation , but guess what I have learned to forgive. It took me sometime to let go from the bitterness, but the memories still exist. I was able to allow myself to love her, like I did for the people who loved me for 29years. Even though , she didn’t contribute much, I gave her apart of me she never had, my will to love her. Forgiveness heals all broken wound, it helps you to be free.
Look at us now age 29 ,we have the bond of a lifetime, but I never forget my sweet dear old grandma, papa, aunty dawn and my dad, I would never trade them for the world.
Thank you Grandma and Aunty dawn for caring and loving me for 29years, I led from your example of being independent, humble and hardworking.
Thank you mom for making amends and kept trying to make up for the times you missed out, it hasn’t been easy but we made it thus far. We cant undo the past, but we can make better moments in the present.
Happy Mother’s Day Ladies!!